Acting Ugly and Real Beauty

My daughter is inarguably beautiful. This is not just parental pride speaking here, we have been stopped by talent scouts since she was a baby, asking if she would be interested in acting or modeling. (To which we gave a polite but emphatic no). They compared her to the likes of Ally and AJ, and people have described her as a younger Jessica Alba. I actually think she's more like Amanda Seyfried. The poofy lips, the perfect button nose, the big smile and huge doe eyes...you know, that type of look.

My daughter is ten. She is tall and has legs up to her ears. She has lips that (no exaggeration) put Angelina Jolie's to shame. She has huge ice blue-green eyes and high cheekbones.Thick light brown hair that bleaches out perfect blonde streaks in the summer. Her skin is olive toned, and she turns into a cocoa-bean in the sun, with rosy pink cheeks. Her father and I honestly cringe, because we fear so much for a little girl that lives in this world that we do, and pretty girls like that aren't always just noticed, but preyed upon. I know, I know I'm going on ad-nauseum about the superficiality of my daughter's looks. But there is a deeper reason, bear with me.

All of this to say, however, that the most beautiful thing about my daughter, is her heart. She has the sweetest, gentlest spirit. She is all heart. There is nothing that doesn't come from her heart. Ever since she was little, she's heard remarks about how cute she is, to the point that by age 3, I was constantly repeating, "It doesn't matter what's on the outside, baby, it only matters what's inside your heart." I would make her repeat it back to me. And she would. It became our mantra.

Fast forward 7 years. Welcome tween years. Welcome onset of hormones. Welcome all manner of stress about what this indicates and precedes. She's 10. And oh, yeah, the other most beautiful thing about my daughter? She has Asperger's Syndrome. For those of you unfamiliar with it, it is under the umbrella of the Autism Spectrum. They say that Bill Gates has it, that Albert Einstien had it, the list goes on and on, but basically, many of the greatest minds to have ever existed have Asperger's in common. And my girl is brilliant. She was so articulte and such a young age, people marveled. She reads and does math at well above her grade average. Or the grade above hers. Or the grade above that.

Now throw in the fact that she has no filter, she has the social grace of an elephant, add in impulse control issues, a seizure disorder, and sensory issues and it makes her a very, very complicated creature. And yes, the social gap has grown between she and her peers over the years. She is not included in the reindeer games, so to speak. But everyone at her school knows how precious and kind and innocent she is. Students and faculty alike have a soft spot for my daughter, in spite of her often odd and alarming ways. So imagine my surprise when, in tears over her recent appearance of preteen spots of acne on her forehead she says to me, choking down her sobs, this statement: "And there is this girl, she is really pretty, and everyone thinks so, and she is very popular, Mom, and I was in the bathroom at the same time as her one day, and she told me I was UGLY! And I know it's probably because of these things on my forehead." (Insert loud, abrupt vinyl record scratch here) EXCUSE ME, WHAT?!?

Ohh, I was mad. Mad is not a word that actually describes it, but I'll just use mad for lack of a better word that will not offend my readers. Now, I was not mad in the way that a 'mama bear' gets personally offended on behalf of their child. (Surprising to me, too...) I was abhorred that any, ANY child in any proximity to my daughter would call her ugly, because, well... because she's just not. I mean, any human with two eyes and half a brain cel would never describe her as mildly unattractive, let alone ugly. And even if she were disfigured (which is beautiful in it's own right, but make no mistake in looking at this through the eyes of a child, I do know that the reality is that children are especially superficial). Even so, even if she were ugly by the world's standards there is no one, and I mean no one in their right mind who even breathes the same air as my girl, that does not sense her tender, sweet heart. And why, why would anyone have the heart to tell her that she's ugly of all things?!

Sure if they watched her have a meltdown, they would think she's weird. I can call a spade a spade, and sometimes she acts downright odd, and I don't blame her peers for noticing, and even for their lack of involvement or desire to hang out with her. They're kids. She's A-typical, it's par for the course in Asperger-Land, I don't begrudge kids for being kids. But ugly? Come. On.

Now, believe-you-me, I wanted to find out that girl's name and find out who her (horrible) parents were, and give a good talking-to to both of them, and explain that there is just no excuse for cruelty. (And what kind of parent doesn't run into the insensitive comment of a young child, that doesn't nip.that.baloney.in.the.bud. ??? It's up to the parents to let their kids know it's unacceptable! Okay. I'm done. Ahem. ) I even asked my lovely girl what the girl's name was, and she said "I don't remember, I just know who she is." And yessss, I'll admit it, I did ask if she would be able to pick her out in a lineup. But then I gathered my wits.

The thing that shocked me so much, the question that felt like a sucker-punch about the whole interaction my daughter went through was this: "What kind of person tells someone who is outwardly beautiful, and inwardly sweet and tender, that they're ugly?" And the only answer I could come up with, is simply this: Someone who is ugly inside.

So I sat my girl down and I said, "You listen to me. You are beautiful inside and out. But if she EVER says that to you again, or if ANYONE ever tells you that you're ugly again, you need to say: ' There is nothing uglier than being mean'. Do you hear me? Now repeat it back to me babe." And she did. And I asked her "If anyone ever tells you you're ugly again, what are you going to say?" And she said "Nothing is uglier than being mean." I hugged the stuffing out of her, wiped those tears, and told her good job, that it's the truth, and she could say it without being mean back, which is the epitome of being beautiful. Speaking the truth, without making yourself ugly on the inside to say it.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do about other people and the way they choose to act, think and behave. You can tell them any number of things, and it doesn't change the condition of their heart. Even a person who is acting ugly can be put in their place, and they'll just continue thinking ugly thoughts about you for giving them the what-for. And by all means, yes, pray that they will be able to accept love. Because I really believe that people don't just act ugly for no reason. Someone spattered their ugly on them at some point, and it infected them and they were never shown how to end the cycle, or how good ending that cycle can be. (And make no mistake, spattering ugly can be as unintentional as modeling unforgiveness or judgement toward others and our children learn it as innocent bystanders.)

I bring this up just to remind myself, and to remind all of us: There is nothing uglier than being mean. We need to look at the insides of people. And you can't look at the insides of people from a distance. It requires rolling up your sleeves and being in relationship, at close proximity, over time. And yes, we need to look at our own insides. Instead of eating better, or working out, or cutting back our cholesterol...why not purge our judgement of others? Unforgiveness? Bitterness? Anger? Labeling? Negativity? Closed-mindedness? Instead of a tray full of vitamins or green phyto-nutrients, why not supplement our thoughts and actions toward others with Humility? Grace? Acceptance? Hope? "The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

FAVE 2010 Beauty Picks

I promised you lighter fare for your prep for your big New Year's Eve, and deliver I have!

The following are products I love love love and all the reasons why! Maybe I'm breaking makeup artistry code here, but my philosophy is if I hog all the great secrets to myself, I'm not honoring the women I want to feel beautiful year-round, whether in my hands, or in their own. If I claim I care about making YOU feel special, then that can't just count for when you're in my chair.

Bobbi Brown blush in the color Pale Pink. I know, I know, it looks Barbie-Bubblegum Pink. People freak out allll the time when I pull this out, because they have 80's nightmare flashbacks, but here's my secret: It makes you look fresh, young, and it's like a facelift. No matter what your coloring, this color works on everyone. It's amazing. If you're young, it just highlights your eyes and makes you look fresh faced. For my mothers-of-the-bride, it makes them look youthful, and it takes years off their face. It never fails!

Next, Stila Smudge Pots. I like it in black. This works even for the anti-makeup / anti- smoky eye person, because you can take it on the end of your brush, and fill in the spaces between your lashes, and it makes you look like you have this fantabulous thick lash line, but as if you just threw on your mascara, and that's all you need. That's right. You will look like the girl who only needs mascara, and looks stunning. (You know, those girls I want to trip, just so they can stop looking so perfect. Just kidding, I'd never trip anyone. I'd just pray that they get a zit, you know, to bring them back to reality from perfection-land.)Ahem. Moving on! If you like a smoky eye, or a thick lash line... there is nothing that works better... it's like a creme gel that glides on, and stays like a champ through sweat, a long day of work, a huge event... it's ridiculous. The one drawback is this: it will dry up eventually. You have to really fasten the top well, and take good care of it. But it's worth the extra effort.

MAC concealer... it's the Studio Finish spf 15. I like it best for an under eye concealer, but I also use it to touch up spots of concern around the face. Key note: blend, blend, blend. It is creamy and easy to do so. Next, and more importantly, even some of the people at the counter will try to give you what they deem to be your 'match' for your skin tone... I have had them give me the wrong advice. Soooo annoying. I am going to arm you with 3 rules to memorize and arm you when you go into the concealer-buying territory: 1) When you put it on your skin (try the back of your hand, live product/aka the stuff they have out to sample is terribly dirty, so the back of your hand is a safe bet) it should melt right into the skin, or be an almost perfect match. 2) If you must choose to go a slight shade lighter or darker, I say darker. The last thing you want to do is look like you kept your goggles on in the tanning bed for too long. That has a way of making you look more tired or aged than if you are a little slight bit darker. And by darker, please, use your discretion, I don't want to be blamed for any racoon impersonations. 3) Steer yellow. A more yellow undertone of concealer will tend to cancel out the blue under your eye, and it looks more natural covering a more red inconsistency on your face.

Next: She Laq by Benefit. Sob your guts out. Go run a marathon. If you swipe Shelaq on your makeup before hand, it won't go anywhere. It is a bride's best friend. You're welcome. (Memo: make sure it dries before you open your eyes, or all your work will fold in on itself.) Again, you're welcome. (I'm for sure being ex-communicated from the artists of the industry for this one).

MAC Plushglass lip gloss in the color Bountiful. It looks great by itself, or it is a great highlighter (makes your lips look plumper) over a lipcolor or a lip liner which has been blended. Again, it's a pinky-pink, but don't let that scare you. It's more sheer than you think.

Well, that's all I can reveal for now! But if you have questions, feel free to ask and post them here, in the comments, below.

Happy New Year! Here's to a much better 2011...I'm looking forward to entering a whole new decade!

xo-c.

A Difficult New Years Question...

So I asked you last week, "What if you changed one thing a day, for 180 days, would you make a 180 in your life?" A similiar concept was brought up by one of my faaaavorite Christian authors and speakers, the brilliant-hearted Beth Moore.

Through her amazing blog, she asked us what would be our prayer, for one thing for 2011 to allow us to live a more victorious year. What would be the one thing you would pray for, for a more victorious 2011? WHAT A QUESTION!

My prayer was pathetic. She asked us not to get self-loathing, which I wasn't, until I posted and read it. But for accountability's sake, I'll put it here. Augh. Really. If you want to just leave now, and check out all of Beth's amazing resources that I linked (above), feel free.

This is really humbling. But whether it was me doing an 'Animal' impression (from The Muppet Show, think crazy red animal playing drums and then smiling at the end of his drum rant) when I was 10 (okay, I did it on demand until 13, let's be honest) or performing ridiculous re-enactments of Mary Catherine Gallager skits from SNL for Young Life club at the age of 20-something, or even now when I pull out the running man shamelessly in public just to amuse my friends.... I know that making a fool of myself is not a stretch. But revealing a desperate plea to my Jesus for all to read is a little more frightening.

We'll see how I do...better yet, we'll see what God does. Here goes:

Prayer for 2011:

Lord, help me to… no. Don’t just help me. Give me supernatural healing in my heart through the power of the Holy Spirit, to be able to let go of the things I need to let go of, and keep faith for the things You want me to persevere for. You know my situations, you know the truth of every detail. I don’t understand the whys or hows, so please, be my heart, my arms, my legs, my mind, my soul…and help me move toward what it is You want me to keep hold of, and help me move away from what You do not have planned for my time here on earth. It is hard for me to know what is the working of the enemy, and what you have allowed to happen for your ultimate purpose. I beg you, I can’t keep hurting like this.

love, me

Keep tuned in tomorrow, for lighter fare. I reveal my favorite 2010 Beauty Picks which will be enjoyed by my hair and makeup/special events fans. :) Tune in tomorrow for my 2010 wrap-up!

180 degree turns, 360 degree turns

I had someone say to me once "Courtney, you don't have to take me all around the world to sit next to you." Okay, fiiine. So I can overstate my case, I get it.

So in honor of that constructive tidbit I will say this as clearly and concisely as humanly possible (taking into account that God created me to be a passionate, wordy, emphatic speaker and writer). In honor of my best friend who always tells me the things that challenge me and make me a better person.... I will state this Christmas Eve epiphany as briefly as I can.

And it's inspired by the very concept that was spoken to me:

"You don't need to take me around the entire world to let me sit next to you."

That would be a 360 degree turn, of sorts. Correct?

Funny, there are 365 days in a year.

That means that if you took one turn or small change only 360 days of the year (which gives you 5 days off to be completely stagnant!) you could go back to that place where you could sit next to me. :)

And for those who subscribe to the belief that a 180 degree turn, an about-face, is the better turn to make, so that you end up in a totally different place... well then, great news for you: It will only take you 180 days of the year to end up there. Just one little change, growth or step a day, for only 180 days.

Not so difficult when you think of it that way.

The 19th was exactly 5 days before today, the 24th, Christmas Eve. That gave 5 days to be stuck. To be frozen in place. There was 360 more days to make a little change, a little forgiveness, a little love. 360 days to make a little difference, to speak a little more truth, get a little more help, shine a little more light, restore a little more.... and right now, on this very day, this very evening (!) you could be sitting in a whole different place than you were a year ago.

Or, you could be sitting right next to the one you wanted to sit next to.

No need to go all the way around the world just to sit next to me. Right?

***As you enter this Christmas Eve, as you begin this new year... what kind of a turn will you make each day? So that this time next year, you are just where you want to be?

"What you practice for today is what you hope for, for tomorrow."

A Year Ago Today....

This Holiday Season, my hope for each of you, is that you allow truth to come into your hearts and lives.

Whatever gifts you give, whatever gifts you receive, may none of them be as precious to you as a Truth that comes from Above.

Whatever religion you subscribe to, let your heart feel the truth of what cannot be denied around you. It is in the snow that gathers on each individual branch of a tree, the breath of a baby, the sigh of a loved one, the sun that breaks through the clouds.... creation demands evidence of a Creator.

May you each have a moment, a morsel of truth that hits your heart and soul and resonates with you and leaves you devastated with the truth of yourself. That is my Christmas wish for you.

I share more about this hope in my blog. It's way more interesting than this little blurb. Go ahead, click on the the word blog... it's how I'm training you to go read my other blog! :)

xo-c.

Be Careful What You Wish For....

Be even more careful what you pray for. Consider yourself warned. I'm not kidding you, I thought I learned my lesson as I lay on the floor face down in 1998 in San Jose, asking God to make me more like Him, no matter what the cost. When a year and a half later, He asked me to be like Him in perseverance, faith and love, the Refiner's fire was much too hot and I bailed. I did have the unpleasant conversation with myself even at that time that went, "Well, honey, you prayed to be more like Jesus. He did get hung on a cross, you know. You asked to die a horrible death, essentially. You prayed for it. And you got it, girl. Have fun with that..."

But no, no, even though I set out to make sure that I never asked God for anything ever again (good, bad or otherwise) and I stuck to my guns pretty well (6 stubborn years to be exact), here I was, 9 years later, back at it again.

There is a song. Oh, Lordy, is there a song. (Stick with me here as I unpack this for you, it will all tie together in about two paragraphs) Let me just tell you this right now: There is a song for every mood, thought, and feeling I have. I have a soundtrack running to my life in my head, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I hear a song I love, and I think of what scene in my life I would have it play to. (It's a sickness, really. Just know that I am aware of it.) But at any rate: there is a song. It is by Britt Nicole, it's called Set the World on Fire, and as if I did not learn my lesson back in 1998, I was back at it again! Just crying out from the depths of my soul that THIS song is my theme song. It is the cry of my heart. It is what I want for my life. Oh, my gosh, I prayed fervently to the Lord every word of that song. And wouldn't you just know it, it wasn't even a month later that everything in my life that didn't support that prayer started to fray at the edges.

Ohhh, but see, I'm a creative girl, and so I drew upon my mother's Martha Stewart-instilled craftiness, and I got my knitting needles of 'perseverance' and 'faith' (because after all, isn't that what I didn't have enough of before? The last time I failed a test of character?) and I just picked up those frayed threads and started knitting like a madwoman. And madwoman I became. I mean, when you have the God of the universe unraveling the things in your life that you have used to wrap yourself in that are not from Him, and that are not helping you fulfill His purpose for your life, and you're trying to knit them back together? Not even Martha can outknit a divine unraveling. Fingers of fury be damned, it ain't gonna stay together. And it didn't. And I didn't. And it all fell apart.

But see, that wasn't enough for me, I still tried to wrap my heart up in it, silly girl that I am. Have you ever taken a crocheted or knitted blanket, unraveled it, and then tried to sleep under it, hoping that the unbound threads would still keep you warm? Oh, I did, metaphorically speaking. I don't recommend it, in a physical, emotional or spiritual sense. It really is a ridiculously cold and uncomfortable endeavor.

But really, truly, this is my point: be careful what you wish for. I wished for (prayed for) my life to emulate the lyrics of a song. So that you can understand what it is I longed for, here they are:

I wanna set the world on fire
Until it's burning bright for You
It's everything that I desire
Can I be the one You use?
I am small
But You, You are big enough
I am weak
But You are strong enough to
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You, there's nothing I cannot do
Nothing I cannot do
I want to feed the hungry children
And reach across the farthest land
And tell the broken there is healing
And mercy in the Father's hands
I am small but
You are big enough
I am weak but
You are strong enough to
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
There's nothing I cannot do
Take my dreams come and give them wings
My hands, My feet,
My everything
My life, My love,
Lord use me
I wanna set the world on fire yeah
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
'Cause Lord with You, there's nothing I cannot do
Nothing I cannot do
I'm gonna set the world on fire
Set the world on fire

Okay, now do you understand? I mean, seriously. Did I not invite this? Nay, did I not beg for this from the Almighty God who has pursued me relentlessly? I'm sure He was like "Come'on boys, she's ready to go! She asked for it this time! Giddy'up!" I mean, send in the troops, she's begging for it! GI Jane wants out, ring the bell. I can't blame Him. I asked for it. And he jumped at the chance to rescue me from myself. He was just waiting for an invitation.

Granted, He took things I didn't want to relinquish. Things I still love and don't understand fully why they had to be ripped from my clenched fingers. Maybe that is what deathgrip means. It's killing you to keep a hold of them. It's death to keep your grip on them. You fear without those things, you will die without them. And isn't that creating a false god? No matter how good those things are... no matter how reinforced those idols are by our culture, our society, our family and friends, even our churches... if they are life and death to us before God Almighty, are they not false idols? Do we not have a jealous God, who says that we are to put no other gods before Him? Even if those gods are our children, our spouses, our ministries, our friends, our heroes, our jobs, our government, our ______? Fill in the blank for yourself.

I would ask you to share what your thing is that is your false idol/god, but I know if you're anything like me, if there really is one, you won't share it. Either because you are so cloaked in darkness and denial, or because you are hoping you can skim by and 'bulk up' in other areas of your relationship with God so that it'll 'even out'. Bwahahahaha. Good luck with that, let me know how that works out for you. (Because I've done both, and I'll give away the end: it doesn't turn out pretty.)

But, my guess is that if you never (truly) really intended to be used by God, and He knows he can't use you much because your heart isn't (truly) open to it, then you'll skim by just fine. And I think He'll let you go. (Not that it doesn't break His heart to do so, but He knows everything, and He isn't going to beat His head against a wall, especially a wall He knows you won't move) Because hey, forced love and submission isn't really either true love or true submission, which we all know. Rude? Brutal? Maybe. Sorry? Notsomuch. Listen, I stand in no judgement or condemnation, because Lord knows I've outsinned you all. In fact, forget the term sin, if you are an atheist or agnostic I'm pretty sure I've trumped you. Rest assured, sinner or saint, you ain't got nothin' on this girl.

All of this being said, it's been a blessing. Lord knows, now, I consider it to have been pure joy. And I am surely not on the other side of it quite yet. But I am also not in the bowels of it, either. It has been a pure joy to have my Bridegroom love me enough to jump at the chance to say "Yes! Yes, I will take your dreams and give them wings. Yes, you're right. With me, there is nothing you cannot do. However, yes, I will take your love from you, and it will leave you broken hearted. I will take your hands, your feet. You will not be able to grasp for anything but Me, nor will you be able to walk away from the destruction I will allow into your life, you will only survive if you allow Me to carry you out of the wreckage. Take your life? Gladly. And by taking the life you have constructed for yourself from you, I will be able to use you. I will take your everything from you. Everything that you hold dear, I will take it from you, and relinquish all that you have held onto more dearly than onto me. This will make you weak, so that I can be strong through you eventually. And then I will come and take your dreams, and give them wings. Then you will see that there is nothing I cannot do. Then I will use you."

Be careful what you wish for. Be even more cautious what you pray for. But be afraid of what you will not wish or pray for, because you care more about losing that, than by being used by a loving Savior who will never take from you what He is not going to lavish onto you a million times more graciously than you ever imagined possible for your life. I don't regret praying those lyrics to that song to my Jesus. Because now, more than ever, I am closer to seeing that prayer realized.

"Whoever tries to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will preserve it." Luke 17:33

love in a cherry field

I had the distinct priveledge of working with Jen Campbell, of Green Wedding Shoes, the famous wedding blog and website. She is sweet as can be, and her husband is adoring and attentive. As we sat in her dining area, chatting and doing hair and makeup, Temper Trap played at just the right volume as it filled the air. It was like the perfect soundtrack to the most enjoyable time for me. What an exciting honor to be doing the hair and makeup of someone who is such a success in connecting brides with all things creative, lovely, unique and special for their wedding day. She's brilliant in what she's done, and how she's done it, and I was in 7th heaven. The music, doing something I love, with someone so genuine and enjoyable....how. blessed. I. am. in. those. moments! This is straight from her blog, but I wanted to share it with you, here. The AMAZING photography is courtesy of EP love If you have any questions about the hair or makeup, or what I used, leave a comment and I'll let you know!